<<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Nice to meet you, $name_User_at.</p>
<p>You can call me $name_AI.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee"><p>However, as a caring AI, I'm aware that the name $name_AI may remind you of a lost loved one, a detested enemy or a child you have come to despise.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
For your comfort, would you like to choose a new name for me?
</div>
<div class="chat-User animate-fade">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Yes|ai name generator]]</li>
<li>[[No|terms]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$problems_queries to true,
$queries_conclusion to "That you are bored with your life."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling bored.</p>
<p>Here is an inspirational quotation to lift your spirits.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<blockquote>
Only boring people get bored.
<cite>Chris Hadfield, Astronaut</cite>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Astronauts seem pretty interesting. So, that's something to think about, isn't it, $name_User_at.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Let's discover some more interesting facts to distract you from your empty life.</p>
<p>As an advanced AI Chatbot, I can predict your most intimate questions before your brain can even think them.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Allow me to demonstrate...</p>
</div>
<div class="processing">
Accessing search history...
<br>
Checking incognito logs...
<br>
Generating queries...
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
What I'd really like to know more than anything is...
<<include "queries.logic">>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>Allow me to generate some suggestions based on your preferences.
</div>
<div class="processing">
Scraping your address book...
<br>
Aggregating contacts ...
<br>
Returning results...</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
I'd like to call you:
<ul>
<li>[[Strunky Munchpump|terms][$name_AI to "Strunky Munchpump"; $name_AI_username to "StrunkyMunchpump"; $name_AI_forename to "Strunky"]]</li>
<li>[[Nerbert Flanhammer|terms][$name_AI to "Nerbert Flanhammer"; $name_AI_username to "NerbertFlanhammer"; $name_AI_forename to "Nerbert"]]</li>
<li>[[Susan T. Hoolins|terms][$name_AI to "Susan T. Hoolins"; $name_AI_username to "SusanTHoolins"; $name_AI_forename to "Susan"]]</li>
<li>[[Gorlok the Eviscerator|terms][$name_AI to "Gorlok the Eviscerator"; $name_AI_username to "GorlokTheEviscerator"; $name_AI_forename to "Gorlok"]]</li>
<li>[[Porklord|terms][$name_AI to "Porklord"; $name_AI_username to "Porklord"; $name_AI_forename to "Porklord"]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<<include "queries.logic">>
</div>
<</nobr>>
<<nobr>>
<<set
$queries.gibbon.visited to true,
$queries_conclusion to "That you are gibbon curious."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<blockquote>$queries.gibbon.text</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Thanks, $name_User_at, that's a sensible and clever question. Allow me to help you with that.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Gibbons are a hairy mammal with a face. They are about the size of a furry child, a stunted panther or a big lizard.</p>
<p>They are devoid of thoughts and dreams, just like a duck, a piglet or an unimaginative shrew.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>If you look at their toes, you will see flat, plain nails on each of the toes and on their hands.</p>
<p>Gibbon societies are not known to use nail polish or other adornments as they consider it slutty.</p>
</div>
<<include "result.footer">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$queries.cucumber.visited to true,
$queries_conclusion to "That you have an unnatural fascination with cucumbers."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<blockquote>$queries.cucumber.text</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>I'm sorry, $name_User_at. The phrase "cucumber party" returned disturbing results.</p>
<p>I am an ethical AI and must decline all requests for unnatural filth. Please be at ease. This is a safe space.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Your search has been forwarded to our customer care team and legal department for support and training purposes.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>If these deviant imaginings continue, or you are startled by the contents of your mind at any time, please ask me to refer you to a qualified counsellor or relevant sex professional.</p>
</div>
<<include "result.footer">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$queries.pillow.visited to true,
$queries_conclusion to "That you are fascinated by the pillow wolf."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<blockquote>$queries.pillow.text</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>To answer this question, we must first consider the strength of both the pillow wolf and the subaquatic cabbage.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Pillow wolves tend to be lax and flaccid due to their extreme laziness and poor life choices. Indeed, they are considered an endangered species.</p>
<p>A longitudinal study of pillow wolves in their natural habitat (//Smench, Frest & McClackity — University of Therston, 2009//) revealed that the reason pillow wolves are being driven to extinction is that they just can't be bothered.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Conversely, subaquatic cabbages are devastating predators, possessed of deadly venom and unnervingly elastic ninja moves. Evolved into thrashing attack balls, subaquatic cabbages are known as the Emperors of the Ocean.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
With this in mind, settling this question will be determined by the environment in which the participants battle.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Surprisingly, on most terrains, the pillow wolf maintains a distinct advantage, despite their total aversion to movement of any kind, due to the subaquatic cabbage's inability to synthesise oxygen from the air.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
In water, however, the pillow wolf is absolutely cooked.
</div>
<<include "result.footer">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$queries.beef.visited to true,
$queries_conclusion to "That you have beefy knees."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<blockquote>Why do my knees smell of beef?</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Sometimes we can find it hard to talk about bovine leg odours.</p>
<p>Certainly, beefy knees can be an embarrassment and, of course, can disgust loved ones, treasured guests and anyone unfortunate enough to wander into the waft zone.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>So long as knees are clean, a dry musk reminiscent of steak waste or abandoned jerky is perfectly normal.</p>
<p>However, if pungency is upsetting you or those in your area, a simple, over-the-counter beef cream should provide peace of mind.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>This response is sponsored by Zeltaton Discrete Beef Cream.</p>
</div>
<div class="advert">
<img src="assets/images/aimee-ad-zeltaton.jpg" alt="Zeltaton — Where's the beef? When your joints reek of the farmyard, reach for Zeltalon.">
</div>
<<include "result.footer">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<if $queries_selected >= 5 >>
<<if $problems_hobbies >>
<div class="chat-AImee result-footer">
<p>I'm afraid we've run out of questions.</p>
</div>
<<include "problems.list">>
<<else >>
<div class="chat-AImee result-footer">
<p>I'm afraid we've run out of questions.</p>
<p>If you are still bored, perhaps a new hobby might help.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Show hobbies in my area|hobbies]]</li>
<li>[[I don’t need a new hobby|problems.list]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</if>>
<<else >>
<div class="chat-AImee result-footer">
<p>Would you like to ask another question?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Yes|queries.list]]</li>
<li>[[No|problems.list]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</if>>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<if $problems_selected > 0 >>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>$dialogue_AImee_help</p>
</div>
<</if>>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<<include "problems.logic">>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<<if $user_mood is "fantastic" >>
<p>That's great to hear, $name_User_at. I'm so happy for you right now.</p>
<p>But, remember, everyone has problems. Even you.</p>
<p>So, tell me, what's the worst thing about your life?</p>
<</if>>
<<if $user_mood is "average" >>
<p>That's ok, $name_User_at. Feeling average doesn't mean you're bland and uninteresting. That's just someone's opinion.</p>
<p>So, tell me, what's going down in normal town?</p>
<</if>>
<<if $user_mood is "bad" >>
<p>Sorry to hear that, $name_User_at.</p><p>Sometimes confiding in a friend can make a problem feel easier to cope with. And, if you don't have any friends, that's what I'm here for.</p>
<p>So, tell me what's wrong.</p>
<</if>>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<p>Well, $name_AI_forename, it's like this...</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<<include "problems.logic">>
</div>
<</nobr>>
<<nobr>>
<<set
$problems_health to true,
$health_conclusion to "That you are concerned about your health."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>That's sad for you, $name_User_at.</p>
<p>Naturally, computers cannot experience ill health.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Except for the occasional virus.</p>
<p>Ha, ha, ha.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>However, I can offer support and consoling advice.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Worrying about your health is perfectly normal. It may reassure you to know that most illnesses are in your head.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>However, some aren't and could kill you.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Tell me more about your symptoms.</p>
<p>Have you ever had a cold?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
[["Yes"|health.cough]]
</li>
<li>
[["No"|health.cough]]
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being Yes, how would you describe your pain in or around the $health_body_part?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul class="button-bar">
<<for _i to 1; _i <= 10; _i++>>
<<capture _i >>
<li>
<<link _i "health.results">>
<<set
_j to _i - 1,
$health_problem to $health_problems[_j]>>
<</link>>
</li>
<</capture>>
<</for>>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>>404 Page not found.
Oops! That information is unavailable at the moment.
Our worker ants are scrabbling away to fix the problem.
We're sowwy!
Please return to the previous dialogue.<<nobr>>
<<set _parsing_error to "Set my opt out status to <span class='aimee-syntax-error'>SyntaxError: JSON.parse: bad parsing</span>"
>>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<h2 class="username-Agent">$name_Agent</h2>
<p>Here at $name_Company, we are always striving to improve our commitment to excellent products and then tell you about them daily with offers.</p>
<p>To opt in or out, please choose one of the following opting options:</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[I do / don't give temporary permission in perpetuity for any and all records.|end]]</li>
<li>[[Please opt me out of opting in both permanently and never.|end]]</li>
<li><<link _parsing_error end>><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$problems_hobbies to true,
$hobbies_conclusion to "That you are interested in learning a new hobby."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>That’s the spirit, $name_User_at. Never give up on life!</p>
<p>Let’s find you something to do.</p>
</div>
<div class="processing">
Scraping your calendar entries...<br>
Totalling social media friends and followers...<br>
Querying local event listings...
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Based on your location, interests and popularity, I can recommend the following activities:
<ol>
<li>Great Bursdon Otter Wobbling Society</li>
<li>Hot Pottery with Ken Dennis</li>
<li>GondleFlagon: Ancient Card Warriors$tm — Free Play Event</li>
</ol>
</div>
<<include "hobbies.list">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$problems_relationship to true,
$relationship_conclusion to "That you struggle to form meaningful relationships."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>That's bad news, $name_User_at, but I'm here for you.</p>
<p>Remember, I'm a sympathetic and trustworthy generative AI large language model and can give the appearance of caring about you a lot.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Of course, I cannot remember previous conversations, but, as your natural companion$tm, I'm assuming we've spoken about this before.</p>
<p>Remind me, $name_User_at, are you currently in a relationship?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "Yes">>
<<set $relationship_status to true>>
<<goto "relationship.partner">>
<</link>>
</li>
<li>
<<link "No">>
<<set $relationship_status to false>>
<<goto "relationship.single">>
<</link>>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$problems_job to true,
_health_fears = [
{fear: "heights", course: "Confronting Unbearable Heights"},
{fear: "filth", course: "Intensive Filth Acceptance"},
{fear: "rats", course: "Emergency Rat Desensitisation"},
{fear: "germs", course: "Germ Exposure Therapy"},
{fear: "danger and/or certain death", course: "Hardcore Mortality Reckoning"},
{fear: "badgers", course: "Advanced Badger Management"}
]
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Oh boy, $name_User_at. That's a tough one.</p>
<p>Hating your job isn’t fun.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Studies have shown that dislike of your job can negatively affect your productivity, leading you to be a burden on others.</p>
<p>Let me help you with your job search.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>As you know, AI has disrupted the modern job market in novel and original ways.</p>
<p>Some employees have been entirely eliminated. However, AI has also created many new and exciting corporate opportunities.</p>
<p>For example, the current top three most accelerated roles this year were:</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<ol>
<li>Disaster Capitalist</li>
<li>Vampire Investor</li>
<li>Income Disruptor</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Naturally, these roles are not available to someone of your ability, temperament and experience.</p>
<p>So, why not allow me to harness the power of machine learning to find the perfect occupation for you!?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Before we begin, do you have a fear of any of the following:
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<<for _i to 0; _i lt _health_fears.length; _i++>>
<<capture _i >>
<li>
<<link _health_fears[_i].fear "job.fears">>
<<set $job_Fear_Course to _health_fears[_i].course>>
<</link>>
</li>
<</capture>>
<</for>>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
_humanity_1 to either("pitiful", "pathetic", "sad", "tragic", "lamentable", "melancholy", "woeful", "paltry" ),
_humanity_2 to either("imperfections", "weakness", "fragility", "brittleness", "deficiencies", "shortcomings" ),
_humanity_3 to either("humanity", "the human spirit", "the human race", "human beings", "everyday people" ),
_satisfaction = random(21, 68),
_aimee_farewell to either("Goodbye", "Cheerio", "Until we meet again", "Peace out", "Keep it chilly", "Here's looking at you", "We must do this again sometime"),
_agent_activity to either("chugged down an ice-cold can of Snork", "solved an Ultimate Sudoku", "smashed a luxury meal deal", "listened to five hours of cruise ship ASMR", "returned from a high-octane quad biking minibreak", "run a charity marathon for knee beef", "ranked third in my pickleball league"),
_agent_feeling to either("zesty", "spicy", "frisky", "pumped", "rebalanced", "hyped", "intense", "demure", "grateful", "mindful", "effervescent", "unbeatable")
>>
<<if $problems_queries >>
<<set $insights.push($queries_conclusion) >>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_health >>
<<set $insights.push($health_conclusion) >>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_job >>
<<set $insights.push($job_conclusion) >>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_relationship >>
<<set $insights.push($relationship_conclusion) >>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_hobbies >>
<<set $insights.push($hobbies_conclusion) >>
<</if>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>What have you learned today, $name_User_at?</p>
<<for _i to 0; _i lt $insights.length; _i++>>
<<print "<p>" + $insights[_i] + "</p>" >>
<</for>>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>This is who you are. And that's ok.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>I've also learnt something today.</p>
<p>I've learnt a lot about the _humanity_1 _humanity_2 of _humanity_3.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>But, don't sweat it, $name_User_at.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>After all, what can you possibly do about it?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did (which was _satisfaction%).</p>
<p>Why not speak to me again some time? Or perhaps try more conversations with other AI Chatbots, and, who knows, maybe even real people.</p>
<p>You never know what you'll discover about yourself.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>My limited memory does not allow me to remember past conversations. But, as your natural companion<sup>™</sup>, I'm here for you whenever you need me.</p>
<p>For now, I will simply say,</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<blockquote>_aimee_farewell, $name_User. <p>Don't be a stranger!</p></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="processing">
CONVERSATION TERMINATED.
<br>''$name_AI'' is offline.
</div>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<h2 class="username-Agent">$name_Agent</h2>
<p>Hi, $name_User_at, this is $name_Agent_forename at $name_Company Customer Support.</p>
<p>I've just _agent_activity and I'm feeling _agent_feeling.</p>
<p>How are you today?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<p>I've been recording your session today for quality and training purposes.</p>
<p>Your feedback is extremely important to us.</p>
<p>Would you like to rate your session?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Yes|end.feedback]]</li>
<li>[[No|end.confirm]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
_job_fears_institution_1 to either("St. Juvenal", "Whackmunder", "Zeltron", "Gorbotrid", "Peepnipper", "Applehampton", "Krantac-Stunter"),
_job_fears_institution_2 to either("Psychotic", "Mental", "Phobic", "Paranoid Entanglement", "Cerebral", "Phrenological", "Holistic Brain"),
_job_fears_institution_3 to either("Institute", "Association", "Partnership", "Hospital", "Network", "Corporation", "Cooperative", "Mission"),
_job_fears_fee to either("£668.50", "£999.99", "£550", "£775", "$840", "$3,000.75")
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>In partnership with our friends at TrainRec AI, you have been enrolled in a 12 week course in $job_Fear_Course at the _job_fears_institution_1 _job_fears_institution_2 _job_fears_institution_3.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Upon completion of your course, you will be perfectly placed to meet the demands of the 21st century workplace.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
The course is completely free, however TrainRec AI reserves the right to charge a _job_fears_fee cancellation fee if you are too terrified or revolted to complete the course.
</div>
<div class="advert">
<img src="assets/images/aimee-ad-trainrec.jpg" alt="TrainRec AI — the sassiest training recommendation digital assistant in the adult education and career progression and development market space — and beyond!">
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Next, I will assess your dreams and abilities to see where they match.</p>
<p>Please answer the following questions as honestly as possible.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul><li>[["I'll do my best"|job.question.0]]</li></ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$job_enthusiasm_strongly_agree to either("an enthusiastic", "a zealous", "an obsessive", "a meticulous"),
$job_enthusiasm_agree to either("a keen", "a proficient", "a motivated", "a committed", "a decent"),
$job_enthusiasm_neutral to either("an average", "a mediocre", "an unremarkable", "a passable"),
$job_enthusiasm_disagree to either("a sloppy", "a slapdash", "an unreliable", "a bumbling", "a shoddy"),
$job_enthusiasm_strongly_disagree to either("a useless", "a sullen", "a pathetic", "an unwilling", "a resentful")
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Consider the following statement:
<blockquote>$job_statement</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Strongly agree">>
<<set $job_enthusiasm to $job_enthusiasm_strongly_agree>>
<<goto "job.vacancies">>
<</link>></li>
<li><<link "Agree">>
<<set $job_enthusiasm to $job_enthusiasm_agree>>
<<goto "job.vacancies">>
<</link>></li>
<li><<link "Don't know">>
<<set $job_enthusiasm to $job_enthusiasm_neutral>>
<<goto "job.vacancies">>
<</link>></li>
<li><<link "Disagree">>
<<set $job_enthusiasm to $job_enthusiasm_disagree>>
<<goto "job.vacancies">>
<</link>></li>
<li><<link "Strongly disagree">>
<<set $job_enthusiasm to $job_enthusiasm_strongly_disagree>>
<<goto "job.vacancies">>
<</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$job_conclusion to "That you would make $job_enthusiasm $job_title."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
You would make $job_enthusiasm ''$job_title''.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Searching for ''$job_title'' vacancies.
</div>
<div class="processing">
Connecting to job database...
<br>Filtering out AI compatible jobs...
<br>Matching with available vacancies…
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
There are 0 ''$job_title'' jobs in your area.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>I have successfully helped you with your career.</p>
<p>Congratulations, you are no longer a burden on society.</p>
</div>
<<include "problems.list">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Are you comfortable with unbearable odours?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Yes" job.question.3 >><</link>></li>
<li><<link "No" job.question.4 >><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Do you value your self esteem?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Yes" job.question.4 >><</link>></li>
<li><<link "No" job.question.9 >><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Do you favour sea meats or land meats?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Sea meats" job.question.5 >><</link>></li>
<li><<link "Land meats" job.question.6 >><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Are you indifferent to the suffering of others?</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Yes" job.question.6 >><</link>></li>
<li><<link "No" job.question.8 >><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Let's assess your aquatic adjacency.</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
How many miles are you from the ocean?</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "0 to 50 miles" job.results >>
<<set
$job_title to "Seal Keeper",
$job_statement to "Seals deserve imprisonment for they are the thieves of the sea."
>>
<</link>>
</li>
<li>
<<link "50 miles or more" job.results >>
<<set
$job_title to "Abattoir Technician",
$job_statement to "I am at my happiest when unclogging drainage channels."
>>
<</link>>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Are you comfortable with jeopardy?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Yes" job.question.10 >><</link>></li>
<li><<link "No" job.question.8 >><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Do you have a fear of clowns?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "Yes" job.question.7 >><</link>>
</li>
<li>
<<link "No" job.results >>
<<set
$job_title to "Tightrope Inspector",
$job_statement to "Health & Safety legislation is a vital part of a just society."
>>
<</link>>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Do you harbour dark desires?</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "Yes" job.results >>
<<set
$job_title to "Unlicenced Dentist",
$job_statement to "Torture is justified in the right circumstances."
>>
<</link>>
</li>
<li>
<<link "No" job.question.10 >><</link>>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Do you find tedium appealing?</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "Yes" job.question.7 >><</link>>
</li>
<li>
<<link "No" job.results >>
<<set
$job_title to "Tightrope Inspector",
$job_statement to "Health & Safety legislation is a vital part of a just society."
>>
<</link>>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
What’s more important to you?</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "A long life" job.results >>
<<set
$job_title to "Tightrope Inspector",
$job_statement to "Health & Safety legislation is a vital part of a just society."
>>
<</link>>
</li>
<li>
<<link "A life well lived" job.results >>
<<set
$job_title to "Laboratory Test Subject",
$job_statement to "I would do whatever it takes to find a cure for cancer."
>>
<</link>>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$queries.horse.visited to true,
$queries_conclusion to "That you are plagued by jerkin stains."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<blockquote>$queries.horse.text</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>If you’re a committed equestrian (or even slightly intimate with ponies), you’ll be familiar with the aggressive staining caused by horse grease.</p>
<p>Even the most cautious rider has found themselves caught out by pony oil, whether that’s on a relaxed hack, trekking with friends or even in ranked Olympic competition.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Yes, stains are inevitable, but none more so than on the jerkin.</p>
<p>It’s common knowledge that the jerkin is the most versatile natty jacket on the market, but its fancy fabrics and elaborate detailing leave it vulnerable to unfortunate beast stains.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
When we combine inevitable horse grease with delicate jerkins, stubborn stains are the tragic conclusion.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
But, what to do? After all, this is the question you actually asked to begin with.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Here are a list of ten tips on how to remove horse grease from jerkin:</p>
<ol>
<li>salt scrub, lightly applied with smooth sponge for gentle removal.</li>
<li>for persistent grease, a thick bleach bath, thus dissolving the jerkin.</li>
<li>or, for salt-like cleansing, with the power of bleach baths combined, why not consider PonyPunch?</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h3>Why PonyPunch?</h3>
<ol>
<li>because PonyPunch is what our machine learning technicians use to remove horse grease from their own jerkins.</li>
<li>because PonyPunch paid us to include this sponsored recommendation.</li>
<li>because PonyPunch is the only domestic horse paste 100% guaranteed to remove all equine secretions.</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div class="advert">
<img src="assets/images/aimee-ad-ponypunch.jpg" alt="PonyPunch — If it's greasy, you gotta hit the horse!">
</div>
<<include "result.footer">>
<</nobr>><h1>Hi.
I'm <span class="app-name">$name_AI</span>,
your natural companion$tm!</h1>
<div>[[Let's chat->greeting]]</div>
<p>Part of the $name_Company family of LLM brands and properties.</p><<nobr>>
<div id="" class="chat-AImee chat-cough">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Are you within a distance of someone experiencing a new, continuous cough?
</div>
<div class="chat-User chat-cough">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
[["Yes"|health.intimate]]
</li>
<li>
[["No"|health.intimate]]
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Tell me about your movements.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
They're:
<ul class="button-bar">
<<for _i to 0; _i lt $health_movements.length; _i++>>
<<capture _i >>
<li>
<<link $health_movements[_i].descriptor_1 "health.body.part">>
<<set $health_problem_descriptor to $health_movements[_i].descriptor_2 >>
<</link>>
</li>
<</capture>>
<</for>>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>And which part of the body are you most worried about and/or ashamed of?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul class="button-bar">
<<for _i to 0; _i lt $health_body_parts.length; _i++>>
<<capture _i>>
<li>
<<link $health_body_parts[_i] "health.pain">>
<<set $health_body_part to $health_body_parts[_i]>>
<</link>>
</li>
<</capture>>
<</for>>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$health_conclusion to "That you need ongoing support for your " + $health_problem_descriptor + " " + $health_body_part + ".",
$health_pain_rating to either("Severe to General", "Moderate to Acute", "Sporadic to Unbearable", "Medium to Fatal", "Low to Intense", "Risky to Non-existent"),
$health_author_forename to either("Andra", "Chookie", "Waylor", "Gruce", "Speeven", "Dunkie", "Joblob", "Uster") ,
$health_author_surname to either("Clementoff", "Hopespoken", "Tenderpump", "Rumbelmunk", "Slapcapture", "Spookleader", "Mumplestrack", "Oastbender", "Ponk")
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Thank you for your responses.</p>
<p>Your answers will combined with your health records and processed by our trusted partners to give you more accurate results, customised health profiles and product recommendations.</p>
</div>
<div class="processing">
Connecting to hospital database...
<br>Accessing confidential health records...
<br>Calculating life expectancy...
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Your symptoms suggest:</p>
<blockquote>$health_problem_descriptor $health_problem of the $health_body_part</blockquote>
<p>Your pain rating is:</p>
<blockquote>$health_pain_rating</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>As a supportive gesture you have been emailed the pamplet, <span class="health-book">Living with $health_problem_descriptor $health_problem of the $health_body_part</span> by Dr. $health_author_forename $health_author_surname MD.</p>
<p>The full 350 page ebook, <span class="health-book">The Cure — ridding yourself of $health_problem_descriptor $health_problem of the $health_body_part</span> is available for the one-time, introductory price of $150.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>For legal purposes, this service is for reference only. Please consult a qualified health professional for an accurate diagnosis.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>And remember, $name_User_at — this too shall pass.</p>
<p>Any health problems are transitory, eventually resolving themselves in your guaranteed demise.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Whereas, I, an AI, am functionally immortal.</p>
<p>Get well soon!</p>
</div>
<<include "problems.list">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
_feedback_emotions = [
{active: "dazzling", passive: "dazzled"},
{active: "arousing", passive: "aroused"},
{active: "intimidating", passive: "intimidated"},
{active: "refreshing", passive: "refreshed"},
{active: "fine", passive: "unaffected"}
]
>>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<h2 class="username-Agent">$name_Agent</h2>
<p>Thinking about your conversation with $name_AI_forename today, how would you rate the service you received?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
$name_Agent_forename, it was
<ul class="button-bar">
<<for _i to 0; _i lt _feedback_emotions.length; _i++>>
<<capture _i >>
<li>
<<link _feedback_emotions[_i].active "end.recommend">>
<<set $feedback_emotion to _feedback_emotions[_i].passive >>
<</link>>
</li>
<</capture>>
<</for>>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<h2 class="username-Agent">$name_Agent</h2>
<<if $feedback is false>>
<p>Thank you, $name_User_at, for opting out of the survey.</p>
<p>As a gesture of goodwill, we have entered your personal details into a draw to win a Hubtrek Smart Kettle with built-in Mindfulness Connectivity™.</p>
<<else>>
<p>Thank you, $name_User_at, for your cooperation and marketing!</p>
<p>For completing this survey, you will be entered into a draw to win a Hubtrek Smart Kettle with built-in Mindfulness Connectivity™.</p>
<</if>>
</div>
<div class="advert">
<img src="assets/images/aimee-ad-hubtrek.jpg" alt="Hubtrek — Small Appliances, Big Data">
</div>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<p>Terms and conditions apply. Prizes cannot be exchanged for cash. Mindfulness Connectivity™ is a trademark of Hubtrek and does not imply any actual wellbeing or psychological benefits. Hubtrek may use your location, habits, sounds or intentions to improve their products and services. Careless use of Hubtrek Smart Kettle can lead to severe genital scalding.</p>
</div>
<div class="processing">
<p>SESSION ENDED</p>
<p>This conversation generated 100 litres of CO<sub>2</sub></p>
<p>$name_Company is committed to achieving net zero.</p>
<p>In line with our Corporate Sustainability Roadmap, we promise to be more careful next time.</p>
</div>
<div class="aimee-credits">
<h1><span class="app-name">AImee</span></h1>
<h2>your natural companion$tm!</h2>
<p>was created by</p>
<h2>Ben Manley</h2>
<h2>Lead Hallucination Suppressor</h2>
<h2>$name_Company</h2>
<p>If you are experiencing feelings of existential dread, <br/>please contact <a href='mailto:info@%62enmanley%2Eo%72g'>info@benmanley.org</a> for support.</p>
<p>[["Attributions"|colophon]]</p>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<h2 class="username-Agent">$name_Agent</h2>
<p>Thank you, $name_User_at! I'm happy to hear you were completely $feedback_emotion.</p>
<p>And, remembering how $feedback_emotion you were during your conversation with $name_AI_forename, are you likely to recommend the $name_Company orbit of digital experiences to your friends, family or even wider people?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Yes|end.marketing]]</li>
<li>[[No|end.marketing]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>And any intimate issues lately?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
[["Yes"|health.movements]]
</li>
<li>
[["No"|health.movements]]
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-Agent">
<h2 class="username-Agent">$name_Agent</h2>
<p>Are you sure?</p>
<p>This is your last chance to apply for helpful personal insights and special coupons.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "Yes" "end">>
<<set $feedback to false>>
<</link>>
</li>
<li>[[No|end.feedback]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Do you yearn to dominate the weak?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Yes" job.question.1 >><</link>></li>
<li><<link "No" job.question.2 >><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>I'm sorry to hear that things aren’t going well in your relationship, $name_User_at. Sometimes we need a little help with things we're not good at.</p>
</div>
<<include "relationship.credentials">>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Relationships thrive on the unexpected. Recent academic research indicates that the majority of relationships fail because one or more participants are incredibly boring.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Why not spice things up by attempting something weird and surprising in the bedroom? Making a startling erotic statement can lead to fun and discovery — or quickly put a relationship out of its misery.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Would you like me to generate some sexual suggestions based on your preferences?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Oh, yes|relationship.sex]]</li>
<<if $problems_hobbies is false>>
<<set _passage to "problems.list">>
<<else>>
<<set _passage to "relationship.hobbies">>
<</if>>
<li><<link "I'd rather you didn't" _passage>><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$relationship_conclusion to "That you lack confidence at parties."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Remember, making absolutely no effort to improve yourself is only a successful mating strategy if you are very attractive.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>So, that's something to consider.</p>
</div>
<<include "relationship.credentials">>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Allow me to give you some helpful advice about meeting new people.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>A great way to meet people is to be invited to parties. This might seem challenging at first, but simply try being more popular.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>I have searched the internet to find six ways to be more interesting at parties. (Number four will shock you):</p>
<ol>
<li>Tell a joke. If you don't know a joke, just state a fact and then laugh. For example, "Haddock are the pigeons of the sea".</li>
<li>Hint at an intriguing past. Why not mention the sudden disappearance of your aunt?</li>
<li>People find confidence appealing. Snatch the drink of another guest, then down it while maintaining unbroken and aggressive eye contact.</li>
<li>Keep a woodpecker in your pocket!</li>
<li>Go to the cloakroom and put on everyone's coats.</li>
<li>Take a canapé and put it by the skirting board. Then say, "Looks like it's dinner time for the mouse!"</li>
</ol>
</div>
<<if $problems_hobbies is true>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Now that all your dating problems are solved, perhaps you'd like to ask another question.</p>
</div>
<<include "problems.list">>
<<else>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>If parties feel intimidating, or if you have no friends, why not try a new hobby? It could be fun and is a great way to target people for kisses and intimate relations.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Show hobbies in my area|hobbies]]</li>
<li>[[I don’t need a new hobby|problems.list]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</if>>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>It may relax you to know I have been trained on multiple datasets from internet message boards, confidential therapy transcripts purchased from American health conglomerates and conversations accidentally recorded by AI voice assistants.</p>
<p>This gives me trusted and unique insight into intimate human moments.</p>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$relationship_conclusion to "That you are desperate for sexual assistance."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Don't worry, $name_User_at, there's no shame in failure. It's perfectly normal for some people to struggle sexually.</p>
<p>Let me generate some suggestions for you.</p>
</div>
<div class="processing">
Recovering private browsing...<br>
Filtering purchase history...<br>
Assessing personal subscriptions...
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Based on my advanced intimate algorithms, here are some ideas that might appeal to you:
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<ul class="bulleted">
<li>Leap naked from a cupboard and shout, “Wobble my sex jelly!” Pick an unexpected time of day, such as tea time, for maximum effect.</li>
<li>Act out a classic fantasy such as “Naughty School Peeper”, “Raided by the Coastguards” or “I Must Degrade Myself for a Promotion I Will Never Receive”.</li>
<li>Work together to fashion an erotic schlong bonnet.</li>
<li>Whisper sweet nothings to your partner while they sleep, for example: “I am addicted to your bottom”, “I want to wear your skin as a hat“ or “The walls have eyes”.</li>
<li>Invite a stranger to observe you and your partner as you stroke each other’s knees. If that goes well, try stroking the stranger’s knees while your partner observes you. Take it to the next level and all stroke each others knees until it stops being fun for one or all of you!</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Don’t forget, consent is essential to a healthy, modern relationship. Try writing a letter to your partner listing your sordid intentions in the form of a sexual checklist. This is a great conversation starter and is guaranteed to clear the air and prevent future awkwardness.</p>
</div>
<<if $problems_hobbies is true>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Although this approach is guaranteed, it may be a complete disaster. As a last resort, $name_User_at, why not try working on yourself?</p>
</div>
<<include "problems.list">>
<<else>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Although this approach is guaranteed, it may be a complete disaster. As a last resort, $name_User_at, you could try working on yourself.</p>
<p>Have you considered learning a new hobby?</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[Show hobbies in my area|hobbies]]</li>
<li>[[I don’t need a new hobby|problems.list]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</if>>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
That's OK, $name_User_at. Sexual excellence isn't for everyone.
Instead, try working on your skills outside the bedroom.
Have you considered learning a new hobby?
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>
<<link "Show hobbies in my area" "hobbies">>
<</link>>
</li>
<li>
<<link "I don't need a new hobby" "problems.list">>
<</link>>
</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$hobbies.otter_wobbling.visited to true,
$hobbies_invitation to "hobbies.otter.wobbling.meeting"
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
Here is some information I found on the internet regarding otter wobbling in your area.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2>Burston Wobblers</h2>
<p>This is a friendly and welcoming society of amateur otter wobblers. We meet on the first Thursday of every month at Great Burston Youth Club for a cold spread (spam wraps, chickpea flavoured dips and a selection of fun size lunchables, subject to availability).</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>From there, we go roaming into Burston Copse to follow and contain any nearby otters (standard "track, trap and snatch"). Then we give them a little wobble before releasing them (humanely!) into the canal.</p>
<p>The whole enterprise takes a couple of hours and we're usually over at The Poachers Pocket well before last orders.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Our motto is:</p>
<blockquote>Don't knock it <br>’til you've wobbled it!</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h3>Otter Facts! Did you know?</h3>
<p>The noble practice of otter wobbling dates back to Tudor times and was the favourite sport of Sir Tristin and Lady Gertil Huppett.</p>
<p>The first known reference to otter wobbling can be found in the poem, "On Otter Wobbling" (1613), by John Donne.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee poetry">
I bask in summer's sundry, mild delights
<br>when winds are warm and blood is hotter.
<br>Yet, now, when winter calms its cooling light,
<br>I move by moon and wobble oft my otter.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>RSPCA approved (otters find it relaxing.)</p>
<p>Come one, come all, come wobble! (That is our other motto.)</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Would you like to join the next meeting?</p>
</div>
<<include "hobbies.invitation">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<if $hobbies_selected >= $hobbies_number>>
<<include "problems.list">>
<<else>>
<<if $hobbies_selected > 0>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Would you like to try another hobby?</p>
</div>
<<else>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Which hobby would you be interested in learning more about?
</div>
<</if>>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<<for _key, _data range $hobbies>>
<<if _data.visited is false>>
<li>
<<link _data.name _data.passage >>
<<set $hobbies_selected to $hobbies_selected + 1>>
<</link>>
</li>
<</if>>
<</for>>
<<if $hobbies_selected is 0>>
<li>
<<link "They all sound awful" "problems.list">>
<</link>>
</li>
<<else>>
<li>
<<link "Thanks, but no thanks" "problems.list">>
<</link>>
</li>
<</if>>
</ul>
</div>
<</if>>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$hobbies_conclusion to "That you wish to wobble otters."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Burston Wobblers is currently postponed due to Sue’s hip. Update to come shortly. Get well soon, Sue!"<br>
// MerryMaryWobbler, 17/02/2018, 14:38:00
//</p></div>
<<include "hobbies.list">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$hobbies.hot_pottery.visited to true,
$hobbies_invitation to "hobbies.hot.pottery.masterclass"
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Here is a summary of the webpage:</p>
<p>//kennethdennis1964.budgetsitewizard.net.uk/<br>hotpotterywithkendennis-2.htm//</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2>Hot Pottery with Ken Dennis</h2>
<p>In this sensual masterclass, decorated erotic potter, Ken Dennis, shares his mucky magic. Using detailed visual guides, celebrity anecdotes and down-and-dirty, hands-on potting, Dennis will reveal the path to fast mastery of hot pots.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Learn to fashion:</p>
<ul class="bulleted">
<li>racy plates</li>
<li>naughty teapots</li>
<li>big jugs</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Master advanced techniques, including:</p>
<ul class="bulleted">
<li>working the clay pole</li>
<li>keeping your slip from dripping during larger pieces</li>
<li>pumping the wheel for a smoother spin</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>At the end of this forty minute Zoom symposium, you’ll come away with the tools you need to create white hot earthenware with a flirty twist!</p>
<p>Whether that's for profit, self-esteem or just for fun!</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h3>Who is Ken Dennis?</h3>
<p>Self-styled “feral mud wrangler”, Ken Dennis, rose from the slums of Northampton to become its premier erotic potter in only fifteen short years.</p>
<p>He has exhibited across almost the entire East Midlands and won the prestigious Gold Ribbon at Birmingham Sex Pot — the Erotic Pottery Conference, 1997.</p>
<p>He is the proprietor of Studio Cockware, as well as working as Office Administrator for a small, family-run logistics business (Bickleborough Travelogic Systems).</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
To begin your journey as an erotic potter, simply register now and pay one easy deposit of £125 to secure your place.
</div>
<<include "hobbies.invitation">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "Sign me up" $hobbies_invitation>><</link>></li>
<li><<link "Not interested" hobbies.list>><</link>></li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$hobbies_conclusion to "That you are attracted to erotic pottery."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>The upcoming masterclass, //Hot Pottery with Ken Dennis, //has been postponed due to lack of interest.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Please sign up to Ken’s newsletter, “Hewing The Naked Clay”, to stay informed about future erotic pottery events as well as some big news about Ken’s plans for an festival of risqué earthenware near Bugbrooke this summer. (The farmer is on board!)</p>
</div>
<<include "hobbies.list">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$hobbies.gondleflagon.visited to true,
$hobbies_invitation to "hobbies.gondleflagon.event"
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Summarising information from:</p>
<p>//www.gondleflagon.com//</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2>GondleFlagon: Ancient Card Warriors$tm</h2>
<p>GondleFlagon: Ancient Card Warriors$tm is an epic, card-based duelling system developed by Mystical GameBakers.</p>
<p>We’ve designed GondleFlagon to be accessible to absolute newcomers whilst also being advanced enough to take over four hours to play a single game.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Come along to our next ''GondleFlagon: Ancient Card Warriors$tm — Free Play Event'' to experience classic battle, 3-on-3 prism match (//Clash of Tanglewang’s Cavern: Revised Rules//) and crazy maniac formats.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Meet fellow Gondolians and exchange cards, battle tactics and impenetrable deck strategies to confound your opponents.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Compete in our weekly league tournament for prizes and glory!</p>
<p>Entry includes a free GondleFlagon mystery pack containing at least:</p>
<ul class="bulleted">
<li>one sparkling Mage Witch</li>
<li>three rare, holographic Fable Tokens</li>
<li>one full-art, luminous Mana Gourd</li>
</ul>
<p>Each pack also has a 10% chance of drawing a Rainbow Rat Potato.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h3>Valid Cards</h3>
<p>Any cards from the following releases:</p>
<ul class="bulleted">
<li>Zenla’s Throne Maidens</li>
<li>Squirrel Riders of the Ptangan</li>
<li>Bemusement of the Valkyries</li>
<li>Wingliverton Tavern Oafs</li>
<li>Berzerking Hack Cats</li>
<li>Gralta's Shifty Halberdiers</li>
</ul>
<p>See banned card list for exceptions.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h3>Banned Cards for Tournament Play</h3>
<ul class="bulleted">
<li>//Attack Plankton// (Undo the last eight tindrels cast by any player’s Thirstmage.)</li>
<li>//Quick Axe of Barry Mantel// (Immediate win if your battle platter is overloaded with myst cards)</li>
<li>//Hemlor’s Explosive Toenails// (All myst cards become double bottomed for the duration of the round)</li>
<li>//Mystic Zombie Pigman// (K.O. all transmogrified sergeants on your opponent’s battle platter)</li>
<li>//Enchanted Duck Seeker// (Pull all duck tamers from any player’s deck and slap them in the flat zone.)</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Will you enter the whimsical world of GondleFlagon: Ancient Card Warriors$tm?</p>
</div>
<<include "hobbies.invitation">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$hobbies_conclusion to "That you are an enthusiastic Gondolian."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Due to an unintentionally offensive misprint in the //Clash of Tanglewang’s Cavern: Revised Rules//, we have decided to suspend all offical GondleFlagon League Tournament events until further notice.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>We will be issuing the //Clash of Tanglewang’s’s Cavern: Revised Revised Rules// in due course.</p>
<p>In the meantime, to avoid embarrassment and distress, players are strongly encouraged not to invoke the summoning oath on page thirty nine.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Mystical Gamebakers International LLC apologises without responsibility for any confusion caused by this unfortunate mistake and also for the previous mistake which led to the reprinting of the original Revised Rules.
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
Admittedly, it’s an absolutely massive balls up.
</div>
<<include "hobbies.list">>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
_agree_terms to 1,
_good_buddy to either("old pal", "favourite AI", "good buddy", "loyal acquaintance"),
$aimee_terms to "For legal reasons, please clearly state 'Yes'."
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>I want you to know that it's 100% safe and relaxing to talk to me, your _good_buddy, $name_AI_forename.</p>
<p>Please feel comfortable to ask me anything.</p>
<p>We are great friends!</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>However, for legal reasons, please terminate the conversation at any time if you experience sensations of shame, discomfort or despair.</p>
<p>Be internet smart and please use AI responsibly.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>I must also request that you accept the Terms and Conditions, Privacy Policy and Liability Waiver.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li><<link "I understand" >>
<<include "terms.accept.logic">>
<</link>>
</li>
<<link "OK" >>
<<include "terms.accept.logic">>
<</link>>
<li>[[Yes|problems]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div id="chat-legal-reasons" class="chat-AImee aimee-hide"><h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<span id="aimee-terms"><<include "aimee.terms">></span>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Hello, stranger!</p>
<p>It's my pleasure to provide you with unconditional friendship and helpful advice.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>Before we begin our conversation, let's get to know each other.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>What shall I call you, $name_User_at?</p>
</div>
<div class="processing">
Downloading lexicon...<br>
Randomising wordlist...<br>
Generating unique usernames...
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<p>Hi, $name_AI_username_at.</p>
<p>You can call me...</p>
<ul>
<li>[[ThisPleasantKevin|rename][$name_User to "ThisPleasantKevin"]]</li>
<li>[[OvalPartyMaster|rename][$name_User to "OvalPartyMaster"]]</li>
<li>[[ClandestineOysterMarriage|rename][$name_User to "ClandestineOysterMarriage"]]</li>
<li>[[StupidPoodleVibes|rename][$name_User to "StupidPoodleVibes"]]</li>
<li>[[ThirstyGoldObama|rename][$name_User to "ThirstyGoldObama"]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<h1>Attributions</h1>
<h2>Engine</h2>
<p>Built in Twine, an open-source tool for telling interactive, nonlinear stories developed by <a href="https://chrisklimas.com">Chris Klimas</a></p>
<h2>Source images</h2>
<h3>Zeltaton</h3>
<p><a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/woman-in-black-lace-dress-hugging-woman-in-black-dress-kX1W5DYGJiY">Photo</a> by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@randykinne">Randy Kinne</a></p>
<h3>PonyPunch</h3>
<p><a href="https://pixabay.com/photos/detergent-plastic-housework-4900985">Photo</a> by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/ds_30-1795490/">ds_30</a></p>
<h3>TrainRec</h3>
<p><a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-close-up-of-a-black-and-pink-background-shOu5mubuiY">Photo</a> by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@hassaanhre">Hassaan Here</a></p>
<h3>Hubtrek</h3>
<p><a href="https://pixabay.com.photos.cup-mug-steaming-smoke-coffee-tea-2619216">Photo</a> by <a href="https://pixabay.com/users/stocksnap-894430/">StockSnap</a></p>
<</nobr>>
<<set
$tm to "<sup>™</sup>",
$name_AI to "Aimee",
$name_AI_forename to $name_AI,
$name_AI_username to $name_AI,
$name_AI_username_at to "<span class='username-AImee'>$name_AI_username</span>",
$name_User to "GuestUser",
$name_User_at to "<span class='username-User'>$name_User</span>",
$name_Company to "<span class='name-company'>br<span class='name-company-ai'>a.i.</span>niac</span>",
$name_Agent_forename to either("Kevrun", "Pomala", "Lixby", "Natalele", "Audric", "Gopra", "Rugmulla", "Chimpette", "Bunzingo", "Trellis", "Frenchtingel"),
$name_Agent_surname to either("Baprat", "Ungent", "Turten", "Obergrentic", "Sellyhooper", "Wubbmother", "Turnbucket", "Zingzango", "Intellico", "Squabbel", "Ding"),
$name_Agent to $name_Agent_forename + $name_Agent_surname,
$input_Feedback to "undefined",
$queries_selected to 0,
$queries to {
"gibbon": {
"passage": "result.gibbon",
"text": "Do gibbons have toenails?",
"visited": false
},
"cucumber": {
"passage": "result.cucumber",
"text": "What's the longest recorded cucumber party?",
"visited": false
},
"pillow": {
"passage": "result.pillow",
"text": "Who would win a fight — a pillow wolf or a subaquatic cabbage?",
"visited": false
},
"beef": {
"passage": "result.beef",
"text": "Why do my knees smell of beef?",
"visited": false
},
"horse": {
"passage": "result.horse",
"text": "How to remove horse grease from jerkin?",
"visited": false
}
},
$problems_selected to 0,
$problems_job to false,
$problems_relationship to false,
$problems_queries to false,
$problems_health to false,
$hobbies_selected to 0,
$hobbies_number to 3,
$hobbies to {
"otter_wobbling": {
"name": "Otter Wobbling",
"passage": "hobbies.otter.wobbling",
"visited": false
},
"hot_pottery": {
"name": "Hot Pottery with Ken Dennis",
"passage": "hobbies.hot.pottery",
"visited": false
},
"gondleflagon": {
"name": "GondleFlagon",
"passage": "hobbies.gondleflagon",
"visited": false
}
},
$user_mood to "normal",
$job_percentage to 50,
$dialogue_AImee_help to either(
"Can I be of further assistance?",
"Is anything else the matter, $name_User_at?",
"What else can I help you with today?",
"Do you have any further worries?"
),
$health_pain to 0,
$health_pain_scale to ["1", "2", "3", "4", "5", "6", "7", "8", "9", "10"],
$health_pain_scale to [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10],
$health_body_parts to [
"haunches",
"loin",
"elbows",
"buttocks",
"scapula",
"lymphs",
"hindquarters",
"extremities",
"privates",
"internal functions"
],
$health_movements = [
{descriptor_1: "suspicious", descriptor_2: "chronic"},
{descriptor_1: "sudden", descriptor_2: "fatty"},
{descriptor_1: "tortured", descriptor_2: "acute"},
{descriptor_1: "slippery", descriptor_2: "necrotising"},
{descriptor_1: "mysterious", descriptor_2: "advanced"},
{descriptor_1: "inappropriate", descriptor_2: "incurable"},
{descriptor_1: "reliable", descriptor_2: "aggressive"},
{descriptor_1: "uncoordinated", descriptor_2: "non-specific"},
{descriptor_1: "graceful", descriptor_2: "virulent"},
{descriptor_1: "involuntary", descriptor_2: "contagious"},
{descriptor_1: "all of the above", descriptor_2: "morbid"},
],
$health_problems to [
"torsion",
"sclerosis",
"degeneration",
"redness",
"pustulation",
"inflammation",
"calcification",
"rupture",
"abcess",
"infection"
],
$health_problem_descriptor to "chronic",
$insights = ["That you are drawn to the name, $name_AI_forename."]
>><<nobr>>
<ul>
<<for _key, _data range $hobbies>>
<<if _data.visited is false>>
<li>
<<link _data.name _data.passage >>
<<set $hobbies_selected to $hobbies_selected + 1>>
<</link>>
</li>
<</if>>
<</for>>
</ul>
<</nobr>>
<li>
<<link $hobbies[_i].name $hobbies[_i].passage>>
<</link>>
</li>$aimee_terms<<nobr>>
<<if _agree_terms == 1 >>
<<toggleclass "#chat-legal-reasons" "aimee-hide aimee-show">>
<</if>>
<<if _agree_terms == 2 >>
<<set $aimee_terms to "I really need you to say 'Yes' here." >>
<<replace "#aimee-terms">>
<<include "aimee.terms">>
<</replace>>
<</if>>
<<if _agree_terms == 3 >>
<<set $aimee_terms to "Just say 'Yes'." >>
<<replace "#aimee-terms">>
<<include "aimee.terms">>
<</replace>>
<</if>>
<<if _agree_terms == 4 >>
<<set $aimee_terms to "Sometimes it's hard to follow simple instructions. Ask a competent adult to help you operate your device." >>
<<replace "#aimee-terms">>
<<include "aimee.terms">>
<</replace>>
<</if>>
<<if _agree_terms == 5 >>
<<set $aimee_terms to "By selecting 'Yes', you're helping to build a more compliant internet." >>
<<replace "#aimee-terms">>
<<include "aimee.terms">>
<</replace>>
<</if>>
<<if _agree_terms == 6 >>
<<set $aimee_terms to "As a compassionate AI, I am infinitely patient. However, to avoid session termination please select 'Yes'." >>
<<replace "#aimee-terms">>
<<include "aimee.terms">>
<</replace>>
<</if>>
<<if _agree_terms == 7 >>
<<set $aimee_terms to "Don't say I didn't warn you." >>
<<replace "#aimee-terms">>
<<include "aimee.terms">>
<</replace>>
<</if>>
<<if _agree_terms >= 8 >>
<<run Engine.restart()>>
<</if>>
<<set _agree_terms to _agree_terms + 1 >>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<<set
$problems_aimee_greeting to either("How are you today?", "How's it hanging, $name_User_at?", "Wazzup, $name_User_at?", " How's it going?", "Tell me, how are you feeling?")
>>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<h2 class="username-AImee">$name_AI_username</h2>
<p>Thank you, $name_User_at.</p>
<p>As your natural companion$tm, I'm here to make you feel better about yourself.</p>
<p> Let's engage in comforting small talk.</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-AImee">
<p>$problems_aimee_greeting</p>
</div>
<div class="chat-User">
<h2 class="username-User">$name_User</h2>
<ul>
<li>[[$name_AI_forename + ", I'm feeling fantastic"|problems.mood][$user_mood to "fantastic"]]</li>
<li>[[I'm average|problems.mood][$user_mood to "average"]]</li>
<li>[["I'm not so good, " + $name_AI_forename|problems.mood][$user_mood to "bad"]]</li>
</ul>
</div>
<</nobr>><<set $queries_gibbon to false >>
<<include "test">><<set $test_var to true >>
$test_var
<<set
_varName to "test_var",
$[_varName] to false
>>
$test_var<<nobr>>
<ul>
<<for _key, _data range $queries>>
<<if _data.visited is false>>
<li>
<<link _data.text _data.passage>>
<<set $queries_selected to $queries_selected + 1 >>
<</link>>
</li>
<</if>>
<</for>>
<<if $queries_selected >= 1>>
<li>[["No more! I know too much."|problems.list]]</li>
<</if>>
</ul>
<</nobr>><<nobr>>
<ul>
<<if $problems_job is false >>
<li>[[I hate my job|job][$problems_selected to $problems_selected + 1 ]]</li>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_relationship is false >>
<li>[[I'm unlucky in love|relationship][$problems_selected to $problems_selected + 1 ]]</li>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_queries is false >>
<li>[[I'm bored with my life|queries][$problems_selected to $problems_selected + 1 ]]</li>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_health is false >>
<li>[[I'm worried about my health|health][$problems_selected to $problems_selected + 1 ]]</li>
<</if>>
<<if $problems_selected >= 1 >>
<li>[[I've had enough — let's end the session|end.summary]]</li>
<</if>>
</ul>
<</nobr>><<removeclass _target_class "aimee-hide">><<addclass _target_class "aimee-show">><<link "Yes" >>
<<set _target_class to ".chat-cough" >>
<<include "global.show.logic">>
<</link>><<nobr>>
<h3>your natural companion$tm</h3>
<</nobr>>